Rugby+Booze+Beer Olympics x Extreme Domination-Sense&Sensability=Killer Weekend
It was a slightly more humid day in Los Angeles. Sure, the sun was making strides at breaking through the man wall of clouds, but the precipitation still fell like tears after watching that scene in the notebook where old Duke is crying over Allie having to be restrained because she can’t remember (if that scene doesn’t choke you up, you’re without a doubt a psychopath).
There were floods. Mountain tops slid down with muddy encompassing glory. A typhoon threatened to ravage the coast. Would the match be canceled? Hell no. This is a game of brute force, of men pounding through men, of 80 minutes of sure beastness. Men being men in the most ultimate sport ever created… And it’s an all weather field, so you know we’re good.
We SMASHED the opposition. Bodies were dropping, Fists were pumping, and I’m pretty sure I saw a titty flash on the sideline. Love groupies.
BOOM BOOM POW! Ok, so we didn’t win the first two halves. But we put forth a valiant effort none the less, and one left shoulder down, there was still a third half, which we dominated (What’s that? You can’t have 3 halves? Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize this was precalc.)
The third halve was dominated with our best drinkers, and we ended the night…. well I don’t really remember, but the next day——
USA vs CANADA, and at the Well, USA vs THE WORLD. Who would come out on top and win WORLD WAR THREE? With all the nations of earth, including Antartica and Imagination land, because that’s so imaginative, circling down on our position, we would surely be a fascist country by 6:PM.
Beer Pong was on the line. It was quadruple overtime . Having been distracted during flip cup by BEER COVERED TAY-TAS, our manager jumped in and played Defense.
But then, The judges, seeing their chance to SOCK IT to freedom, decided it would become sudden death. Dink! That chick from BOTSWANA, who didn’t make a shot all game, suddenly made one ….. Game over… tears came down our faces…. freedom and liberty died across the globe ….. We looked up and saw USA hockey had just lost in the same BS fashion. We had lost everything………..
PSYCH! No we didn’t. We CRUSHED everything else. The blind folded put sunglasses on Will Farrel, The ice cube tray suck down, flip cup, and the boat race. Gee I guess we’ll take 1 bronze medal out of how many gold???? BOOYA BITCH! Even when they tried to fix the game, they couldn’t win. But I hold nothing against them because I have a thing for batman underwear.
Freedom Reined supreme once again! From the East coast to the West coast, we got frothy all over the nation with our delicious manifest destiny. We dropped the atomic bomb of justice on all their backsides. They’ll be cleaning up our radioactive fallout for a good year.
Sure, being hung over with a possibly dislocated, bruised or broken left collar bone doesn’t seem like an ideal Monday. But just remember, it was all for freedom.
Until next year nations of the world. Bring your A game
